Saul Miller is a GP in Belford, Northumberland
Monday
Kez has an embarrassing problem. He has tried a cream that maybe worked in the past but not now. He needs the doctor, he thinks. He rings the surgery.
There is a long announcement about the need to be polite and about options. Kez gets confused and chooses but is not confident his choice is correct.
A receptionist answers and asks how she can help. Feeling shy, Kez tells her about a skin problem he doesn’t really have. She tells him he chose the wrong option but does not say why. She cannot transfer his call so advises he tells the doctor about his problem online.
Tuesday
After a Monday afternoon bravely telling his problem to the wrong place online and getting very frightened about who now knows and what they might do with the information, Kez tries again today. This time he gets to the right place online but is anxious after what happened so does not answer the questions as clearly this time. He says the problem is with his back: this is broadly true, even if the true location is a little lower.
He receives a response to tell him the doctor is very busy. He is to wait to be contacted.
He is downhearted and tries a different cream.
Wednesday
Kez waits to be contacted in vain. His problem is a bit worse.
Thursday
The doctor sends a message with a link to a sick note Kez does not need. The text says a prescription for codeine has been sent to the chemist. Kez regrets saying about back pain.
Friday
The doctor sends a message with a link to a sick note Kez does not need.
Waking, Kez wonders if the codeine has helped with the itch but his constipation is worse, despite straining. He notices in the bathroom mirror that he has blown a blood vessel in his eye. He thinks maybe he needs his blood pressure checked too.
He walks to the surgery. It hurts less if he walks legs apart. Embarrassed to be seen walking like this, Kez has waited till later. The receptionist tells him there are no appointments left now.
He is downhearted and tries a different cream.
Saturday
Kez has not slept a wink. He has drunk vodka to try helping but that has given him indigestion on top of the deep burning discomfort below caused by the cream. Nothing he does helps either problem, he feels.
The indigestion gets worse through the morning. The surgery answerphone advises him to ring another number. He does this, and then is advised he needs a hospital.
Soon an ambulance arrives and takes Kez. He might have had a heart attack, apparently.
Sunday
In the late afternoon a consultant comes with good news. Kez has not had a heart attack, apparently. He will be allowed to go.
Going takes a long time though and all the taxis are gone. Kez drinks coffee while he waits for the last bus.
He gets home late. After all that coffee, he is too jittery to sleep. He paces around, he goes to the toilet. Morphine settled his chest pain but his constipation is worse. He strains as hard as he can. He bursts a blood vessel in his other eye and blood drips into the pan.
Monday
Kez walks early to the surgery before it opens. Some others are already there, queuing in the cold. Kez hopes no one saw his odd gait.
When the doors open and Kez gets to the desk, all the appointments have already gone. The receptionist helpfully suggests Kez sees an optician instead.
Kez is an optician.
But the system is blind, he tells her.
Featured photo by Gift Habeshaw on Unsplash
