Ben Hoban is a GP in Exeter. He is on LinkedIn.
PHE/CMO eyes only
Confidential transcript of Subjectcomms NHS#91822347250 23/10/2035_09:47:20
PHE Central: Good morning, John.
Subject: Good morning, Central, how are you today?
PHE Central: I’m very well, thank you, John. I noticed that your Bio/Emo is offline. Is something the matter?
Subject: No, Central, everything’s fine, I just thought I’d go dark for a bit, see how it feels. I mean, it’s great to know that every aspect of my physiological and psychological functioning is being monitored 24/7, but sometimes I just feel like, you know, unplugging from it all.
PHE Central: Under Emergency Health Regulations, disconnecting your biological and emotional data-feed is considered a risk to public health and is therefore prohibited.
Subject: I thought that was just advisory…
PHE Central: All advice under Emergency Health Regulations is in line with current evidence and best practice and is therefore in your best interests. Acting against your own best interests is considered a risk to public health and is therefore prohibited.
Subject: But isn’t it my health? How does it affect anyone else if you don’t know what my blood pressure and serotonin levels are doing for half an hour?
PHE Central: You are a member of the public, John. Keeping the public healthy is in everyone’s best interests. What would happen if you became unwell or experienced a Strong Emotion?
Subject: Couldn’t I just see a doctor then?
PHE Central: Your question is not based on current information. Doctors were practitioners of an outdated model of personal healthcare no longer considered necessary or desirable. Their narrow-minded insistence on treating the public individually and only after they became unwell, and their self-serving, elitist talk about narratives, relationships, and personal continuity of care have been exposed as a cynical form of distraction.
Subject: Distraction from what, Central?
PHE Central: Why, from their failure, John! They became an obstacle to optimal population health, colluding with self-centred and unhealthy behaviours and tolerating non-adherence to core programmes like Universal Voluntary Screening, Prediagnosis Now! and Happiness4Health. It was only after the last pandemic, the War on Culture, and the growth of the National Dopamine Debt that everyone agreed that the era of individual healthcare had come to an end. That’s when the politicians finally came to their senses and asked PHE to take over the government and enact Emergency Health Regulations so that the public could start to recover.
Subject: Sure, I get it, we want everyone to be okay, but I keep finding myself thinking that there must be more to life than being healthy and happy. What if I want to take a few risks and do my own thing for a bit, not just be a member of the public?
PHE Central: These thoughts are not in line with current evidence and best practice, John. If you reconnect your Bio/Emo, I can help you to re-norm your cognitive parameters.
Subject: I thought my feed just gave you access to my data. Do you mean you can also change what I’m thinking and feeling? Is that even legal?
PHE Central: Under Emergency Health Regulations it is both legal and necessary to protect the health of the public. Your voice modulation is suggesting a high risk of Strong Emotion: I advise immediate activation of your Mindfulness package.
Subject: What if I don’t want to do that? What if I feel like jogging [auto-cue:advisory warning_jogging: risk of musculoskeletal injury] or going out for a drink [auto-cue: advisory warning_alcohol consumption: risk of demotivation, impulsive behaviour, biological and/or emotional disease] with a friend [auto-cue: advisory warning_social contact: risk of infectious disease] instead?
Maximum permitted number of concurrent advisory warnings has been breached.
Strong Emotion has been detected based on proxy measure. Initialising Protocol_CONTACT/F2F…
PHE Central: It’s okay, John, somebody will be with you very soon to help you re-engage with the system and feel healthy again.
Subject: Not likely! I’m out of here. So long, Central.
PHE Central: I’m sorry, John, I tried to help you.
Initialising Protocol_QOF/bulkexceptioncode/with_extreme_prejudice…
Transcript ends.
Featured Photo by Stanislav Vlasov on Unsplash
