Terry Kemple is a retired GP in Bristol, England, and has various roles promoting greater sustainability in general practice including as Director for the Royal College of General Practitioners (RCGP) Green Impact for Health Toolkit. He is a past President of the RCGP.
When your conversations with others get difficult do you want to be aggressive, appeasing, assertive, or just leave? Most of us would like to be assertive and respectful but sometimes in the moment our words can fail us, and we may become aggressive or appeasing. Under pressure, it can be hard to speak and even think clearly. The French use the expression ‘l’esprit d’escalier’ for the wit of thinking of the perfect reply too late while walking up the staircase after the event. A friend once told me that one of the big dilemmas in difficult meetings is: ‘If I say nothing, they may think I’m stupid, but if I say something they will know I’m stupid!’
We learn many of our communication tricks at work or in life by observing others and copying their words. Over time, we build our ‘toolbox’ of helpful expressions. Having these right words ready for reply when we need them can make a big difference to the dilemmas about what to say next.
“… 50 simple but effective sentences that can improve how you assert yourself better and avoid misunderstandings.”
Karin Kuschik, a German performance coach, has written this book, 50 Sentences That Make Life Easier: A Guide for More Self-Confidence, which has been translated into 16 languages and was rated by Der Spiegel, the German weekly news magazine, as a number-one bestseller. She promotes 50 simple but effective sentences that can improve how you assert yourself better and avoid misunderstandings. Using these in your daily interactions could save you time and allow you to be more honest, clear, and authentic. Each of the 50 short chapters addresses the use of one sentence. The chapters have illustrative stories about why we need the thoughtful but polite and succinct sentence to solve a specific communication problem, how to use the sentence, and what the benefits can be.
Reasons for using each sentence are given at the end of each chapter and include: self-assuredness; a clear conscience; saves you time; peace of mind; clarity; harmony; self-determination; freedom; relaxation; joy; thankfulness; appreciation; self-knowledge; advancement; lightness; self-possession; calmness; empathy; commitment; strength; self-reflection; solidarity; courage; loyalty; a clear conscience; honesty; and tolerance.
You may be thinking sentence #13 now: ‘I’m not sure what this means.’
Some of the sentences are banal but are underused, and should be used much more often. These include: I apologise; I don’t know; let’s agree to disagree; I made a mistake; and you’re right.
Some seem more challenging and on the edge of politeness: I decide who pushes my buttons; this isn’t against you it’s for me; I’d rather not promise you that; I don’t think that’s my department; I just realised, this topic doesn’t really interest me; I think this issue is yours; I’m sorry I gave you the impression you could talk to me like that; I completely understand you; and I’d like something else.
Some are more obscure: I think I’d better forgive myself; wanting to is like having to, except of your own free will; and I’d rather be with myself right now.
“Using these in your daily interactions could save you time and allow you to be more honest, clear, and authentic.”
A few are aphorisms: worrying is pointless; giving my best only makes sense if you give your best; you always have a choice; when you point a finger at someone, you’re pointing three at yourself; and I prefer talking with people to talking about them.
If you have read this far you may be thinking sentence #25: ‘I don’t want to spend time on this.’
The big ideas of the book are about: leading yourself and others better; communicating clearly; setting boundaries; and showing appreciation. Each chapter is a self-contained, easy-to-read story about how she found the sentence with examples of why, when, and how it can be useful. Many of these sentences could be used more and benefit everyone, others can be used as more controlled and polite ways to end unnecessary conflicts in conversation.
Your next thought may be sentence #45: ‘I don’t know how to, so I’ll just give it a go.’
Kuschik is a performance coach and so she suggests how you can form a new habit using the sentences. You should decide which sentences you may want to use, create a memory aid to help you, make a solemn promise, preferably in writing, to yourself about when you will use a sentence, and practice using them by yourself.
In the end remember sentence #47: ‘You always have a choice.’
Having some of these phrases ready to use in difficult conversations could help you be more honest, save you time, stay calm, and be more true to yourself.
Featured book: Karin Kuschik, 50 Sentences That Make Life Easier: A Guide for More Self-Confidence, Bantam, 2025, HB, 304pp, £14.99, 978-0857507037
Featured photo by Sven Brandsma on Unsplash.
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